The Peripatetic Philosopher says:

BE THANKFUL FOR CRITICS

They Introduce You to Yourself

James Raymond Fisher, Jr., Ph.D.

© November 25, 2016

A Celebrated Author Writes:

(By Ken Shelton © November 23, 2016)

Recently I have again engaged in the enlightening experience of responding to harsh critics who attack not only what I have said, written or done, but also who I am.

I’ve learned over a lifetime of speaking and writing to millions of people (I calculate that at least 5 million people have heard my voice in writing and another 500,000 in speaking) that   something I say or write can trigger hostile reactions that seem totally unwarranted, at least in my eyes; but in the eyes of the other person, it is simply the truth as he or she sees it.

I can attest—from 50 years of experience in sharing at least 500 talks and testimonies in several different wards and branches of my Church (located in many American states and in several other countries) and in speaking to other diverse groups—that speaking (writing, singing, acting, or dancing) your truth from your head, heart and soul will invite some hostile reactions.

It seems that this is particularly true at home, where no man is a prophet. In and around my home (Provo, Utah, USA), I may be written off and dismissed by half the congregation before I say a word. Sometimes the spirit of what I say wins them over, but usually not if their mind is made up (pre-judgment or prejudice).  I am jailed, and they become my wardens.

You may have had the experience of speaking or singing before a rather hostile crowd (or at least a few critics whose minds are made up before they hear a word or note).  As you showcase your talent, sing your song, play your game, share your convictions, or present your conclusions, you invite critics. Now you face the dilemma: how can I best respond?

I have learned to be thankful for critics and to pray for enemies.

Four Short Cases in Point

These four cases (among many others) illustrate the challenge of responding to critics.

         

Case 1. National Convention of Black Leaders


About 12 years ago, I was invited to speak at a national convention of about 600 Black leaders in Atlanta, Georgia. When I arrived, I learned that I would follow the keynote speaker, Kweisi Mfume (born Frizzell Gerald Gray), former CEO of the NAACP, as well as a five-term Democratic Congressman from Maryland. Mfume spoke eloquently about injustices heaped upon Blacks and how more Black leaders were needed to right wrongs, seek reparations, and continue with reverse discrimination against whites in education, law and professions.

I was the next speaker, assigned to speak for 30 minutes on how best to develop effective Black leaders (I was one of only three whites present in the assembly).

Bothered by his comments and short on time (I had about 18 minutes), I decided at the last minute to abandon my prepared remarks and speak extemporaneously on the topic using the case study of illegally persecuted Mormon converts and pioneers, circa 1830-1850.

Since my remarks countered, rebutted and refuted the approach for developing leaders advocated by Mfume, I was basically shouted down, threatened and kicked out (and never paid).

Afterwards, I apologized for my “in your face” rebuttal and kept in touch with certain Black business leaders who agreed with me. I also learned to have empathy for MFume, after learning that he was born in Baltimore, Maryland, 1948, the eldest of four. His father, a truck driver, abandoned the family and his mother died when he was 15. Mfume dropped out of high school at 16 and worked three jobs at a time to support his three sisters. He also ran with the wrong friends, was locked up a couple of times, and became a father to five children with several different women (he also adopted one child). At age 23, he determined to change his life for the better. He returned to his studies, obtained his GED, studied at The Community College of Baltimore, where he served as the head of its Black Student Union and editor of the school newspaper. He next attended Morgan State University, where he graduated magna cum laude in 1976, and earned a Master of Liberal Arts degree in 1984 at Johns Hopkins University. In recognition of his heritage and his success over his beginnings, he changed his name to Kweisi Mfume (from Ghana, meaning Conquering Son of Kings).

While our views differed widely, I learned as a commentator to display first some empathy (or as SR Covey said, “seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

Case 2. Victoria’s Secret

Once I was invited to speak on leadership with the entire executive team at Victoria’s Secret (Columbus, Ohio) from 10:30 am till noon, and then do a two-hour afternoon training session.  However, after presenting some observations on Counterfeit Leadership, I was summarily dismissed before noon and evicted from the premises. 

           

Before leaving, I thanked them for inviting and hosting me (although no one had treated me civilly) and for having the courage to face some hard truths about their culture.

Two days later, in the evening, I received a phone call from the person who so rudely evicted me. He apologized profusely and confessed that I had said exactly what they needed to hear but did not want to acknowledge, and that I would receive my full fee and reimbursement for expenses. I learned that every top team has their “secret garden” of “undiscussables.”

Case 3. A Church Member

Recently I testified in a Church meeting of some truths that are extant in the Old Testament story of Jonah and the Whale, implying that Jonah was not actually swallowed by a whale but rather that the belly of the whale might symbolize a state of separation, depression, addiction, desperation, incarceration, hospitalization, detention or any condition or circumstance that limits liberty and freedom. I noted that I’m not a literalist when interpreting scripture, especially the Old Testament. I’m more literary, believing in symbolism.  I said, “at some point you and I will all be swallowed by a whale—if it hasn’t happened yet, it will.”

And the whale may represent any overwhelming condition or massive challenge that seems insurmountable, inescapable, and interminable. On our own, we lack the power to extricate ourselves—no matter how intelligent, rich, wise or popular we may be. What puts us in this condition may seem random or the result of sin, crime or rebellion, and the only way out is via our repentance and return to obedience and Christ’s atonement. 

Following my testimony, one man (who lives near me) condemned me for preaching “false, vain and foolish” doctrine, along with “personal opinion” contrary to official Church interpretation of scripture. I could feel the eyes of several members of the congregation staring at me. Later I was asked why I did not react to his condemnation. I responded, “I know this man and feel love and compassion for him.  From our personal interactions, all initiated by me in an attempt to be his friend, I know of the burdens he bears. So, for the past three years, I have made a concerted effort to be cordial to him, greet him and stop to chat with him.

“During the meeting, even as he spoke in condemnation of me, I was admiring him for his passion, conviction and knowledge of scripture. I was grateful that he was in church with his wife and three returned missionary sons. I was not offended by his words.” 

After the meeting and for the next few days, I tried to greet him again to thank him for this rebuke.  Finally I went to his home and, not finding him there, left a note, expressing my appreciation for him and vowing to heed his counsel.

Case 4. Neighbor

After sharing something that I had written, a close neighbor emailed me to accuse me of “regurgitating my self-serving content” without adding any redeeming value. She felt that “it is apparent that you are unhappy with your life” and that “publishing your observations discounts whatever good you are trying to accomplish.”

My response to this critic was to write her and thank her for the joy and inspiration she has added to my life. I confessed to being a closet fan of hers as she sings in a choir whose music videos are posted on YouTube. “When I listen to these videos, I often scroll down the comments, as you may have done on occasion. Many are complimentary; others are critical; and some are downright over-the-top nasty. As a singer (writer, dancer, actor, athlete, or any field performer), you learn to take it all in stride. Not everyone loves you or your music or message.

“I have no clue what it is like to be you,” I wrote. “Likewise, you have little or no clue that it is like to be me. I will always give you the benefit of any doubt . . . sorry, you are my friend for life, and beyond . . . and there is no obligation to agree with me on anything I may write or say. Please know: I will always be cheering for you (and yours).”

Close encounters with critics can be enervating and/or invigorating.

Dr. Fisher (a friend) responds:

Ken,

This comes to me when I was trying to respond to this from you:

Sir James,

You have become a bonafide "fisher of men", hooking and netting a wide variety of folks 

who are seeking truth, not knowing where else to find it.  Your voice, like one rising 

from the dust, has a ring of ancient wisdom: the timely application of timeless principles. 

I was humbled and surprised as I do not see myself in this light.  However, given your resume, I believe it better describes you.  In addition to what you list:

You have been a prolific writer/publisher with the successful Executive Excellence series of publications with which I have been a contributor.  You have published books and ghost wrote one of the most successful nonfiction books in my lifetime (Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, 1989).  I can imagine you have had a hand in many of Covey’s other bestsellers.

·       The acting, singing and dancing, well, those talents are a surprise to me.

I no longer give speeches or contribute to periodicals or trade journals such as Executive Excellence as you know.  Various journals still ask permission to republish some of my articles, but since I seldom here back, once permission granted, I shut down that avenue of discourse.

With the exception of Confident Selling (1971), the thrust of my publishing/speaking career is only the last 26 years, or after I retired from Honeywell.  My efforts that have caused some stir were those that looked at common situations a bit differently. 

Confident Selling was about selling as a partnership and not as an adversary relationship.  I bristled when three years later Robert Ringer published his runaway bestseller Winning Through Intimidation (1974).  Unfortunately, many in sales today still subscribed to that insanity.

Creating an equally modest stir were Work Without Managers (1991), The Worker, Alone! (1995), Be Your Own Best Friend (1995) and Six Silent Killers (1996) as they all represent a clear departure from the established norm. 

Never having had a ghostwriter, publicist or editor, my other efforts have been more or less politely ignored with the exception of Confident Selling for the 90s (1992), which was nominated for a Pulitzer Prize for nonfiction, I think, because it was mainly about finding one’s moral center whatever the endeavor. 

I have a modest e-mail and blog exchange compared to your activities, write every day in my equally modest library of some 4,000 books while being serenaded by my Bose radio/recorder of equally unobtrusive music of European composers of the past.

Responding to this Business of Critics

This is my take on your four case studies:

National Conference of Black Leaders, Atlanta, Georgia

The central idea I derive from this excellent commentary on your encounter with various groups within and outside your own domain is the social psychological need of engagement and belonging.  It is fundamental -- as I understand it -- to your genuine spiritual and moral commitment to your church.  You walk in the shadow of St. Paul, St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, and like them, know of rejection as much as acceptance.  

To belong is not a passive doctrine but the unity and theory of practice in faith.  It is not a passive condition but an act of cooperation involving the labor of social truth in deeds as you exemplify.  

The problem, as I see it, is that the general patterns with and between individuals differ widely from one culture to the next.  We Americans pride ourselves in being a multicultural nation, or indeed a hybrid, which on the surface is celebrated, but below that surface is the reason for much of our troubles.  Multiculturalism sullies and defames all cultures as this is a simulated platform that cannot be adequately integrated other than in its own valid culture. 

Each culture acquires its identity, history, language, values and pride.  Yet, in our short American history, we have deluded ourselves into the belief that we thrive in multiculturalism.  Alas, multiculturalism is one of the reasons I am so adamant in expressing my Irish roots, as now in my old age, I realize that I am very much like the people of that tiny island.

In each of your examples, you encountered aspects of this conflict while there was no evidence anyone wished to be malicious.  Still, the void between cultures is inevitable. 

For each culture has its own picture of the world, its values-picture.  U.S. Coast Guard author, Alex Haley, captured a sense of this when he wrote the novel, "Roots" (1976).  It was a national bestseller and was made into a multiple part television series.  Haley's novel told the saga of an American family through the roots of Kunta Kinte, an 18th century African boy, sold into slavery and brought to the United States.  It was a celebration and was timely as it gave people of color an appreciation of their heritage and an identity connection as a people.  

Millions of Americans, who didn't read the book, were glued to their televisions, especially black and brown descendants from African slavery.  These descendants were entertained by the story on how their people moved, talked, and thought, as well as what they ate and drank, even their dialects and handwriting, their laws, their music, their social outlook, their dance and their beliefs.  They felt in their bones a connection, an engagement beyond themselves. 

They discovered that they were not alone, but had a sense of belonging to something bigger than themselves.  On display was the qualities and patterns they held in common with their ancestors. Some scholars call this “genetic history,” and we all have it.

This does not just happen to people of color but to Eastern Europeans and Latin Americans and people from the Middle and Far East who have never been completely comfortable away from the living center of their cultural heritage.     

What you experienced at the National Conference of Black Leaders, I have experienced in possibly a more blatant sense when I chose to go metaphorically describe the issues at hand. 

I had made an extensive organizational development (OD) intervention into a community, and had a one day “rap up” session with the community’s executives from the county administrator, mayor, police chief, and so forth.  I attempted to show in my “hypothetical case study” what happens when a community handles its perturbations only at the “skin deep” level, allowing core issues and chronic problems left unattended to fester beyond the possibility of damage control.  They got the message.  Participants didn't come back for the afternoon session.  

My experience is that people in power act like spoiled children and want only to hear what they are doing well (their strengths) and not where they need help (their weaknesses). 

Victoria Secret

In the second instance ("Victoria Secret" confab), you were a person with inner experience and inner direction to a group who wouldn't recognize themselves if they met on the street.  You went into the Teflon den of pretend.  Any attempt to satisfy this customer's taste has more to do with titillation than instruction for this group thrives on surface issues.  

That said people who live externally directed lives in a cosmetic world of appearance can be reached I suspect, but it is perhaps close to attempting to put a camel through the eye of a needle.  They are into style, form, gossip, who’s in and who’s out, what is the current “gocha fab” and lingo and vibes of that sort. 

This is the world of Southern California and New York City, the two hugely populated centers of our country; centers that have no idea or interest in what everyone else in the hinterland is about.  That is why they are still behaving as if they have had a death in the family with the recent presidential election.  They are now into grief, disbelief, anger and depression.

When you presented some ideas on Counterfeit Leadership, which I have designated Leaderless Leadership, well, you disturbed their makeshift personality and the patina of their surface consciousness.  I wouldn’t take the apology two days later seriously, after being evicted from the premises, as this is typical of those of a gratuitous nature – they believe all sins are forgiven with a glib apology when it exacts no cost.  

There is a crippling uniformity in how those imprisoned in the subjective lifestyle react when introduced to objective reality that they either ignore or deny.  They crush everything into the uniformity of the moment hoping that the new styles of glitz will last a season.  German philosopher 

Henry Herder of the 17^th century once said:

“All that can be, is; all that comes into being, will come into being; if not today, then tomorrow; since everything fits somewhere.  Only artificiality is destructive, in life as in art.”

Imagine how “Victoria Secret” would have reacted if you laid that on them.  You were an outsider, a prop to this group with skills that they could find useful if fluff was not only their sanctuary but their values-picture.  Why else would there be a “Victoria Secret”?

Church Member

There are all kinds of people we encounter in this life and each has its own constituency:

There are doctrinaire people of faith who want no thought or disturbance to their core beliefs even if it should throw more light and credence on what they believe to be true. 

There are people who have no convictions whatsoever and think everyone is a phony, on the make or take, and life is a total drag. 

There are people who believe everyone is good and they always see the bright side of the setting sun, while choosing to see everyone in that side of light. 

There are people who embrace life with all its verisimilitudes calmly and quietly.  They mind their own business and take life’s ups and downs philosophically without bitterness while not seeing themselves as anything special.  They go along to get along with everyone, enjoying their time on earth.

Then there are those who have never spent a happy day in their own skin, and don’t want you to forget it.

Behind the masks of everyone are the possibilities of those dynamic twins – envy and jealousy.  Envy is wanting something that someone has that you want and don’t have; jealousy is fear of losing what you do have and you are afraid of losing. 

When your church member is attacking you for what you have said, because that is clearly what he is doing.  Generating this reaction maybe a combination of envy or jealousy camouflaged in the attack.  It could also be that his faith is waning and he cannot have any disturbance to it even if it is well-meaning and informative.

Nothing in interpersonal relations is ever what it appears on the surface to be, and I say this without exception.

Your Neighbor

You would imagine, given my personality that I would encounter such rebuke as you did with your neighbor but throughout my life people have preferred to talk behind my back, including my children.  I was once told that I am quite intimidating, but I do not see myself that way, but my experience is testimony to that possibility. 

As I indicated for your church member, the same may be in play against you.  Envy and jealousy are closely related to those two other demons, compare and compete as you have obviously accomplished much in your life, and have had the economic and prestigious benefit of that success. 

Everyone is creative, but only a small handful of people ever demonstrate the courage to exploit that possibility.  You have.  Perhaps she hasn’t and wishes that she had. 

As my BB tells me, I live in my head, and I guess I have all of my life, and find thinking and writing as natural as breathing.   This doesn’t mean that I do thinking and writing any favor, but simply that I have not been afraid to venture into that august company. 

At my 50^th high school class reunion, there was a form that everyone was asked to go around and get the autograph of fellow classmates.  Many, and I was one of them, had never been to a class reunion before, and it was something of an ice breaker.  My BB asked a classmate if she had my autograph yet, a person whom I thought was a good friend those many years ago, only to have her say, “Why would I want Jim Fisher’s autograph?”  It stunned my wife, who was a perfect stranger to everyone.  Later, this same person asked me, somewhat aggressively, “How come you turned out the way you did?”

She remembered me as an athlete and working class poor, which was true, so by implication she was saying: What right did you have to turn out the way that you did?

Final Take

Your religious beliefs and life experience energize you to look at the glass half full, and to see most people, like yourself, having other people’s best interests at heart.  I see the rotten side of life running the show while the engaging side, people below the radar take all the punishment.  I prefer the ignorant man who loves himself and his family, and works for the good of his people to the cultivated ghosts that dominate the headlines and win the accolades of society.  They think only that their fellow ghosts exist because they are somebodies, while being little more than chimeras.  Aren’t you lucky you are not me?

Be always well,

JIm