PRESCRIPTION FOR SUCCESS: "DO UNTO OTHERS . . ."

REFERENCE:

Recently, the remarks of billionaire Bill Gates to high school students were circulated on the web, as they have been circulated in the past, remarks of a kind of tough love approach to getting people out of their counterdependency rut of complacency, a national disease.

At another level, there has been a powerful positive discussion of "how the brain works" on PBS in conjunction with my local affiliates Fall Fund Raising Campaign.

It turns out that the brain like the muscles and sinews of the physical body respond as well to exercise, what scientists call "plasticity," that is, the synapse of the brain and the neurons that make the connection grow if we embrace our resistance to new challenges, new experiences, and new opportunities.

The PBS television program cited, and I think far too many people can relate to this, that people rigorously challenge the brain for only about 25 to 30 years, and then put the brain in "coast mode" for the duration of their lives.

They become set in their ways, fixed in their thinking, and rigid in their beliefs. Afraid to fail, they resist new experiences and new adventures. They worry about how others see them rather than how they see themselves. They get into relationships that stifle their development, and take it to be their lot, as if written in concrete.

In other words, they are not in charge, and so their brain fails to grow, which finds them living in a cage of their own creation.

A number of years ago, I was doing consultant work with a community organization, and there was a young African American boy, about nineteen, that I sensed having great possibilities but who preferred to be bored, belligerent, and disruptive, seeing himself as victim rather than victor.

I went home and wrote down what I called, "Twenty Points of Light," and shared them with him.

Then, I thought the piece might be applicable to others. I had read where the CEO of "The Reader's Digest" had mentioned that "people problems" were the publisher's major concern. I took the audacious step to send my "Twenty Points of Light" directly to him, not expecting them to be published, but to be considered in dealing with his people.

In January 1993, I received a letter from him stating that he wanted to publish my work in his magazine. I agreed. The next month, or February 1993, I received a check for $2,000 for a two-paged article that "The Reader's Digest" said would appear in their June 1993 issue. Never before had I been paid for a work prior to publication.

Sure enough, my article appeared on pages 130 and 131. In August 1993, I received a letter from the CEO stating that they had received over 25,000 requests for reprints of the article in the first weeks after publication. The article follows.
JRF

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Where success with people begins and ends

"Do Unto Others..."

By James R. Fisher, Jr.

In my years as a corporate executive and then consultant, I've learned this: while technical systems change rapidly, the systems that govern our social behavior have evolved little in 2000 years. And we get what we want out of life only by working with and through others. To maintain that perspective in my life, I wrote down some rules that seem to flow from it. Here they are:




To have a friend, you must be a friend, starting with yourself.

The greatest hunger a person has is to be needed. Help create that feeling in others.

The greatest virtue is kindness. You can't love everyone, but you can be kind to everyone.

Don't try to impress others. Let them have the fun of impressing you.

Be enthusiastic. Nothing of consequence was ever achieved without enthusiasm.

Be positive. Positive people attract others, while negative people repel.

You have greater impact on others by the way you listen than by the way you talk.

Gossip cheapens the one who gossips more than the one gossiped about.

Call a person by his or her name and use it often in conversation.

Communicate cheerfulness.

Differences are bound to occur and can be resolved if conflict is managed in a polite manner.

If you are given to making fun of someone, be sure it is of yourself.

Be genuinely interested in others. Get them to talk about themselves.

A smile doesn't cost anything and pays big dividends. Not only does it make you feel good, but it makes everyone else feel better, too.

Be the first to say, "Hello! Good to see you!"

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." The golden rule is where it all begins and ends.
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James R. Fisher, Jr., Ph.D., is an industrial psychologist and author of Work Without Managers: A View From the Trenches and Confident Selling for the 90s.