DIFFERENT ENDINGS TO -- OBSTACLES TO SELF-REALIZATION, PREDICTORS OF SELF-DEFEAT

A WRITER WRITES:

A reader writes about the first and second draft of this article:

Hello Jim,

You know better what you want to say. In my humble opinion, the last paragraphs of the first version had more impact and meaning. It sounded more like your voice than the second ending.

Michael

DR. FISHER RESPONDS:

It was past 3 a.m. and I thought it best to change the ending of the piece. It is the reader that should have the final say as to the integrity of the piece given his or her familiarity with the writing. In rereading, I agree with this writer.

While I'm on the subject, speaking of the immaturity of adults, I attended just last Thursday a volley ball match between a team of eighth graders from the local recreational center and my granddaughter prep school.

The rec center's team was far superior to my granddaughters, and beat her team badly. What disturbed me, however, was that the rec center's coach played only his first team nearly the whole game, while the prep team coach played all her players during the whole contest.

The rec center coach, while calling the prep school coach "dearie" after the game, said he played only to win. It seems beyond his capacity to fathom that he was in the business of building character of these young people, and that comparing and competing was secondary to this function. Sad.

HERE ARE THE TWO VERSIONS and POSTINGS:


SECOND POSTING AND VERSION TWO:

The air is not more rarefied at the top of the mountain nor is the individual ever separated from the squalor and demands below. It is rather from a vantage point of on high that one sees more clearly what is wrong in the valley below with an urge to do something.

Wherever you are, whatever you have accomplished, if you're talking to someone, please look that person in the eye. Don't mount a ladder and peer down on that person as if the person were a malfunctioning machine that needed repair. Don't wear your kudos or awards like medals on your ego, but let the person sense your worth from the connection with you.

* * *

Mentoring is about helping people help themselves by showing them how to realize and harness their unique gifts. This website (www.fisherofideas.com) encourages that process. The individual's lot in life is to find out what makes that person tick, what gets that person off its bottom and do something, to have some purpose, and ultimately, effectively utilize one's inherent ability.


AUTISM REDUX

One reason we don't know the outcome of children that are three, four and five-years-of-age today is not autism, per se, but rather the nurturing aspect of development is problematic.

What has made this so is divorce, lifestyle excesses of parents, one parent or no parent families with children in foster homes or with grandparents or other relatives. A child can sense when he or she is considered a burden.

With the United States the most affluent society on the globe, it is sad to say many children are largely left in the lurch. This is not limited to the most impoverished of homes, but is a problem among the affluent as well. Neglect has no socioeconomic boundaries.

Add to this complexity many parents have failed to cross that imposing barrier of mature adulthood. My sense is that children are not victims of raging autism but inattentive parents.

Having children will not hold a loveless marriage together. You cannot correct a lifestyle disease by imploding it with unwanted guests. We have settled on the idea that making a good living is the central responsibility of the family when it is the nurturing of children. Nurturing is taken as a given when it is the most demanding of skills.

When parents are on the ever-increasing spiral of economic progression, never satisfied with the status quo, acquiring more and more things, something has to give, and usually it is time and attention to the needs of children.

Adding to this spiral is the incessant drive to compare and compete with parents using their children as the instruments of their designs. Small wonder there is such problems finding one's essence, or developing the essence of one's children. The obstacles to self-realization are not new to readers, as I'm sure they have their own stories to illustrate the challenge.

* * *

FIRST POSTING AND VERSION ONE:

The air is not rarefied at the top of the mountain nor is the individual at such a height separated from the squalor below. But rather, it is a vantage point to see more clearly what is wrong in the valley below with an urge to do something about it.

Whatever you are, whatever you have accomplished, if you're talking to me, please look me in the eye. Don't mount a ladder and peer down on me as if I were a malfunctioning machine that needed repair. Don't wear your kudos or awards like medals on your person, but let me sense your essence from the insight I gain from my connection with you.

* * *

The greatest reward in life is to help others help themselves, to help them to realize and harness their unique gifts. It is the purpose of these missives on this website (www.fisherofideas.com) to encourage that process.

In no way is this an attempt to have others follow in my footsteps. That said the greatest opportunity to self-realization is to compare and compete only with oneself irrespective of anyone else. Unfortunately, the greatest difficulty in this regard is temptation to measure oneself in terms of others and what others have accomplished. This is a predictor of remorse and self-defeat as the irony of life is you can never be better than a poor imitation of someone else no matter what you have achieved as measured by what they have realized.

Your lot in life is to find out what makes you tick, what gets you to rise off your bottom and to do something, to be someone, to have some purpose, to effectively utilize your inherent ability.

* * *

One reason we don't know the outcome of children that are three, four and five-years-of-age today is not autism, per se, but rather the nurturing aspect of development is problematic. What has made this so is divorce, lifestyle excesses of adults, one parent or no parent families with children in foster homes or with grandparents or other relatives. Even a child can sense he or she is a burden. The most affluent society on earth has left its children largely in the lurch. Added to this complexity is that most parents have failed to cross that mantle into mature adulthood. My sense is that children, despite the statistics to the contrary, are not victims of raging autism but rather lifestyle diseases of their parents.

Given this predicament, many dysfunctional marriages have children to hold the marriage together, and implode the marriage instead. You cannot correct a lifestyle disease with such an intervention. In a compare and compete society, the most important job of breadwinners is believed to be that of making a good living with it assumed that nurturing of children is a given and will materialize as if by osmosis in the lap of affluence. Not so. When parents are on the ever-increasing spiral of economic progression, never satisfied with the status quo, acquiring more and more things, something has to suffer, and it is usually time and attention to the needs of the children.

Adding to this turmoil is that of a marriage where one parent compares and competes with the other parent, finding ways to nullify his or her gain or advantage, even sabotaging the mate's effort to the confusion of the children who are witness to the drama. The obstacles to self-realization are these and every reader knows someone engaged with them at the moment. I hope it is not the reader.

* * *

WHICH VERSION DO YOU FIND MORE APPROPRIATE?