The Most Important Sale Of All
It's not what you were told. The first sale each of us makes, whatever our occupation, is to ourselves. We must believe, unequivocally, that we possess something valuable and essential for providing substance to others. When we deliver that value, we catalyze our sense of self-worth, which is priceless to us.
Selling is not confined, as many think, to the selling professions. It's in play in most human interactions. Robert Louis Stevenson, the esteemed author of Treasure Island and Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, put it this way: “Everyone lives by selling something.”
Again, the most important and difficult sale we ever make is to that skeptical person in the mirror. How so, you wonder? To explain, sincerity about ourselves requires that we accept what we see through our mind’s eye, without sugar coating it. For most of us, that is not an easy proposition. The primary obstacle to sincerity is self-acceptance; that is, liking ourselves as we are, not as we tell ourselves we are or must be. We must be comfortable in our own skin, able to acknowledge weaknesses (where we need help) in the same fashion as strengths (what we do well).
We are all imperfect, but with enormous potential. Activating this potential is our mission. The prerequisite for personal progress is that we see ourselves clearly, that we understand our starting point going forward.
Self-acceptance causes amazing things to happen. We develop a tolerance and understanding of people who differ with and from us. This fosters an open-mindedness that spares us from crippling self-contempt, since where we find fault in others is the same fault we find in ourselves. With unfiltered sight, we see others and the world around us more lucidly.
A neutral frame of reference allows us to evaluate situations and relationship fairly, and to engage more effectively. In part, it's about reserving judgments, which are expressions of what we know. Obsessive “knowers”, are self-limited by what is already known, whereas empathetic “learners” are open to what is not known, but can be discovered. Not surprisingly, learners tend to be good “listeners,” while knowers are apt to be aggressive know-it-all “tellers.”
Selling has much more to do with listening than other business skills. You can pay another no higher compliment than to listen actively to what that person has to say. The struggle between being a knower-teller or learner-listener is a daily one, especially in the field of sales. A boss, a peer, a customer, or a life partner can throw us off stride, with frustration or fear tipping the scale away from our better side, a recipe for poor performance, if not disaster.
CONFIDENT SELLING is written for those who, until now, are prone to being their own worst enemy, instead of their own best friend. To have a friend you must be a friend, starting with yourself. No one else walks in your shoes. No one else is privy to the high adventure that is your life. Everyone’s life without exception is unscripted high drama, played out before an audience of one, with one actor who never leaves the stage.
When readers grasp this reality, confidence becomes axiomatic, as they get out of their own way; ousting hidden self-contempt to reveal their true nature. Once an inner problem is exposed to the light of day, it begins to shrivel. Self-trust, representing honesty to oneself, fills the void. This in turn triggers authentic engagement; we are what we project and believe in what we do. We discover our center, our moral compass, which guides us to act confidently, with sincerity, having the best interests of others at heart.
CONFIDENT SELLING introduces us to ourselves through chapters devoted to “the nature of confidence”, “how a positive attitude leads to empathetic understanding”, “overcoming obstacles to success”, along with “skillful persuasion.”
Confidence is the antidote to fear; fear rooted in self-ignorance. With self-understanding comes confidence, followed by tolerance for our own false steps and failures. As we face down our fears, we rise above obstacles we once thought were utterly beyond our control.
In selling and life, it is a classic faux pas to pursue success as an end when, invariably, success is the outcome of a process. To set our sights on the prize and not the customer is to erect a formidable barrier, one which will negate any potential sale.
The psychology involved in selling a product is fundamentally the same as it is in any relationship. It is not what we get, but what we give that elevates the spirit and allows us to understand the other side. In either selling ourselves or our product, our initial task is to establish rapport, to understand the other, before going any further.
Selling, as a purposeful activity, is widely misunderstood. And, it's no wonder. A profusion of clichés surround the field like a dense fog; “believe in yourself,” “think positively”, "always be closing", and other unhelpful advice. While these clichés are meant to bolster our confidence, they instead seed false hope.
When we are engaged in dialogue with a customer, it's not at all like staring into our mirror at home, repeating hopeful mantras. In selling, we are looking into the eyes of another person, and must strive to view the world through those selfsame eyes. It's not an easy task, but it is achievable.
In the final chapter, “Finishing Touch”, we explore the pitfalls of self-absorption, and identify gains in self-assurance and insight beyond.
Consider that we live in a society, in a world, obsessed with competition; preoccupied with comparing and competing. This mindset naturally compels us to search for answers outside ourselves. Given this inclination, we are prone to take others at face value, failing to appreciate the masks people wear, their protective shields; reflecting self-absorption.
Seeing through these masks becomes possible once we discard our own. Mask aside, we see and represent ourselves accurately, allowing us to recognize others under their masks. As we process their smiles, words and gestures, we evaluate these signals instinctively, noticing how they correlate with where that person is, how they look, how they relate and how they behave. People telegraph their biases. We need only observe carefully and register the significance of each clue. With genuine insight, we learn to qualify information received and build rapport, confidently.
CONFIDENT SELLING is a great deal more than a how-to manual for selling. It's a new paradigm for dealing more effectively with the world you encounter; with people.
James R. Fisher, Jr.
© November 26, 2012
Edited by George Edward Daly, Calgary Alberta Canada, November 30, 2012
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