THE MOST IMPORTANT SALE WE EVER MAKE

The first sale we make, whatever the profession, is to believe in ourselves, to convince ourselves that we possess value to others, which in turn confirms our own self-worth. 

This is not confined to the selling profession but to any kind of work or relationship.  Robert Louis Stevenson, author of Treasure Island and Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde fame put it simply, “Everyone lives by selling something.” 

The most important and difficult sale we will ever make is to that face of ours in the mirror.  Why?  Sincerity demands we accept what we see through our mind’s eyes without sugar coating.  Not an easy proposition.

Our first obstacle to sincerity is self-acceptance, that is, liking ourselves as we are not as we believe we are supposed to be.  We are comfortable in our own skin able to accept our weaknesses (where we need help) in the same fashion as our strengths (what we do well). 

We are imperfect but perfectible, but cannot improve if we do not see ourselves clearly.

With self-acceptance, an amazing thing happens.  We develop a tolerance and understanding of people who differ with and from us.  This fosters an open-mindedness that saves us from crippling self-contempt as what we hate in others we first hate in ourselves.  The fresher our eyes the more lucid we see others and the world around us.

An unequivocal frame of reference allows us to define situations and relationships more clearly and to engage them more skillfully. 

Obsessive “knowers” are limited by what is already known whereas empathetic “learners” are open to what is not known but can be found out.    Not surprisingly, learners are inclined to be good “listeners,” while knowers are apt to be know-it-all “tellers.”  Selling has much more to do with listening than any other skill, as you can pay another no higher compliment than to listen effectively to what that person has to say. 

The struggle between being a knower-teller or learner-listener is a daily one especially in the field of sales.  A boss, a peer, a customer, or a life partner can throw us off stride with frustration or fear tipping the scale away from our better side, a recipe for poor performance if not disaster.

CONFIDENT SELLING is written for those inclined to be their own worse enemy instead of their own best friend.  To have a friend you must be a friend starting with yourself.  No one else walks in your shoes.  No one else is privy to the high adventure that is your life.  Everyone’s life without exception is scripted high drama played out before an audience of one with but one actor on stage.

When readers take hold of this reality, confidence becomes axiomatic as they get out of their way and inside hidden self-contempt to uncover their true nature.  Once a problem has the light of day its intensity diminishes and self-trust fills the void with honesty with self.  This in turn establishes authentic engagement.  We are what we say and believe what we do.  We have discovered our moral center and are guided by our moral compass to have the best interests of others at heart. 

Confidence is the palliative to fear.  Fear is embedded in self-ignorance.  With confidence comes self-understanding and tolerance for our false steps and failure.  When we embrace our fears, we soar over obstacles once thought beyond our comprehension.

CONFIDENT SELLING introduces us to ourselves through chapters devoted to “the nature of confidence,” “how a positive attitude leads to empathic understanding,” “overcoming obstacles to success,” along with steps to “skillful persuasion.” 

It is quite wrong to assume success is an end when it is a process.  It is not what we get but what we give that delights the spirit.  To have our eyes on the prize and not the customer creates a barrier between us, which quite often kills the sale. The psychology is the same in all relationships as the initial task is to find common ground between two distinct personalities who differ widely in perspective.

A cornucopia of clichés will not suffice such as “believe in yourself,” “think positively,” and so on.  We are not looking into a mirror repeating a mantra when we are engaged.   We are looking into the eyes of another person and must see those selfsame eyes seen in that mirror.  Not an easy task, but while clichés are meant to boast morale, they sponsor false hope. 

The “Finishing Touch” takes the reader inside the fallacy of self-absorption to reveal the self-assurance that lies beyond. 

We live in a society of compare and compete.  This finds us looking for answers outside ourselves.  Given this orientation, we are prone to take others at face value failing to appreciate the masks they wear in public.  Better that we get inside these masks, which is impossible until we get beyond our own.  In seeing ourselves more clearly, we see others as they appear under their masks.  We process their smiles and words to compare them with how they compute with where they are and how they look, relate and behave.  People telegraph their passes.  All we have to do is pay attention and intercept their meanings, and use them to constructive ends. 

CONFIDENT SELLING is your guide for dealing more effectively with the world you encounter.  Be well in that pursuit.

James R. Fisher, Jr.

© November 26, 2012